dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
