We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
