Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
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