Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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