About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
