its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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