So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize