I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
