I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
