areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
