I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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