Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
