Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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