Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
