I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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