Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
