So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
