so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
