I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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