So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Randomize
