I didn't shave. On purpose
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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