Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
