I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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