i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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