the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
