pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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