I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
