OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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