How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
