Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
