covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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