I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
The uberlube is also flammable
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Randomize
