Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
