New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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