As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
