My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
