You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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