This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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