he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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