Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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