now i know why i became what i already was.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
