were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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