...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
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