Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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