Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
