I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
