This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
