I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize