I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
