she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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