And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
