I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
