I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
