I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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