WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
