between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize
