I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
