matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
