I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
