everyone is single if you try hard enough
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I checked into jail on foursquare
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
