You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
