I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
