well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
