Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
COCAINE IS GR8
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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