whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
