I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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