dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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