Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
