if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
