Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
