Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I FOUND THE LEGS
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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