i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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