I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
