the new term for farting is butt boxing.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
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