sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize