How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
