my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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