You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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