so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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