do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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