His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
