You don't have asthma, your pregnant
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
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