a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
