After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
