After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
