I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
