better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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