Porn is love you can see.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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