I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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