he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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