dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
