"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
