Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
