I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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