apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
