woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
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