I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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